My Old Diary

I was finally back home in Bandar Kinrara the other day and as i was packing my bags for the raya holiday..I stumbled upon my old diary in my wardrobe. 

This is Moshi. In my 18 years of existence, I only have 2 diaries.. Both them are called Moshi and trust me, I don't know why I named my diary that. That name just popped out in my mind one day when i bought my first diary and it has never been changed until now :D I started using my first diary when I was standard 4 (10 years old) until standard 6 (12 years old). When I entered highschool, I've stopped for a while because I couldn't find time to write until I was in form 3 ( 15 years old). But this diary is not finished because at the end I become to lazy to write anymore. Other reason would be I'm scared that others will eventually find read my diary.

Below is half of the one original entries that I wrote in my diary. Here we go.

Moshi ( 8.31 pm , 3/01/2011) P/S: this is the only entry i wrote in 2011 in this diary
Title : I get what they're trying to do..
So as u know my PMR result came out on 23th Dec 2010 N..I'm like freaking shocked that I actually, seriously got freaking 7A's Crazy Right?? C'mon I only got 1A for my trial. Now I'm pretty much happy. As you can see today is 3/01/2011. It is the first day of school (in form 4). I got into class 4 Beta. Almost all of my friends were there ( makes me :) ) Everytime I look at my slip, I felt like crying. Now i know why my parents tortured me to study for this (I'm feeling good) I got excellent result (alhamdulillah). I realised that I owe my parents credits for this. If they didnt do something like this. I'm thinking i will got only 3 A's which is @^*#^$*# .. G2G bye Love you Moshi

there you go. that was me bragging about my pmr result in my diary. my english is terrible back then, bahahaha! and yes I used the word "tortured" when my parents forced me to study. 

you can clearly see in this post that I was blessed that my parents forced me to study during PMR because at the end I get what I want. Good Grades.

Now here's another story that I would like to share. When I read back my entries in 2012, it make me realised how stupid and ungrateful child I become. During 2012 (SPM year) My parents continues what they do best, forcing me to study constantly. They know what is best for the daughter. I know that they think the method worked the first time, so it should work the second time. I should have just go with the flow and follow their rules but i didn't..and now I regret it. During spm year, I noticed that I became really rebellious. I hated the way my parents control me because I'm not allowed to go out with my friends or do any "fun" activities (actual word that i use in the diary to describe how suck-ish my life was at that time) Another thing that I can see alot from this diary is that apparently "I wanted to start a new life", "my parents are giving me a hard time in life" and "I wanted my parents to understand my situation" 17 years old kuza, you're an idiot-.- there you go, I've just called my 17 years old self a freaking idiot. I failed to see that my parents were trying to help me get good result for spm and i blew everything up by complaining. great job 17 years old kuza-.- you should have just study like your parents asked you instead of complaining because if you did, i don't think you'll get 2A's. maybe better..who knows..

This is definitely one of things I regret in my 18 years of existence. I should have never complained. I should have never disobeyed them.

But then again, everything happens for a reason. Because of the 2A's I got for spm.. I'm living a better life, got accepted into university, get to take the course that I wanted and so far, life is great..maybe a little bit stressful but i'm okay.

You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you live, you learn. You're human, not perfect. You've been hurt, but you're alive. Think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive to breathe, to think, to enjoy, and to be with people you love. Sometimes there is sadness in our journey, but there is also lots of beauty. We must keep putting one foot in front of the other even when we hurt, for we will never know what is waiting for us just around the bend.

let the past go.