currently in my mid semester break now and shit. i don't feel so good right now. haven't felt this shitty in a while. apparently its back to ruined my mid semester break. shit. just so you guys know. things haven't worked out well between me and him so we both ended it. so lets just end it there, i don't want to go further with the story. i just need to vent a little of my shitty mood here and then just continue with my runningman marathon. here we go.
i am tired. so tired of trying to put up with everyone's standard. so freaking tired to be good enough for the people i care so much that in the end that person will leave, they eventually will. it happened so frequent till it comes to a point where i don't know how to trust people anymore. another thing that i hate right now is sweet talking. don't ever try to sweet talk with me because i would never believed it. ever. i've had enough. literally. people tend to talk so much sweet things that in the end, i would only believe it to be lies. "beautiful", "cute","pretty" nah i definitely know I'm not. even you know i'm not. I can't take those kind of compliments because I know myself that those words don't suit me. so please just stop picking on my insecurity. speaking about insecurity, it has been going on and off for me. I don't think i'll ever be 100% comfortable with myself but whatever i'm handling it pretty well these days all thanks to my busy schedule. i didn't have time to think about it.
honestly alot has happened this year. things that i didn't expect to ever happened to me but it did and it completely destroyed my definition of "love" and "trust". I recently wrote on my diary about "does true love exist?" and right now, I don't even want believe it. I used to believed in love so much till it comes to a point where I was never afraid to risk my heart. after being heartbroken for quite a number of times now, i've realized that i made such a fool of myself these few years. those countless love stories i've watched. gosh it is all bullshit. everything is temporary. you might think that you've found your prince or princess but in seconds the "love" can just vanished into thin air and it will definitely leave you wondering about what the bloody hell you did wrong to deserve this kind of treatment. it happened to me and someone that is very precious to my heart. I don't know how that person is feeling now because she refused to show any emotions but i can tell that she is hurting. even when i see her, i felt sad. because what she feels now is much worst than what i felt. somehow i really wish i could help her. anyway i'm going far off my topic now but yeah that's about it. okay bye.
