#23 Thoughts

Ada orang jodoh dia lambat sebab:

- Allah nak dia bahagiakan mak ayah dia dahulu.

- Allah nak dia perbaiki solat dan akhlak dia dahulu.

- Allah nak dia fokus pada kerjaya supaya kehidupan dia nanti senang.

- Allah mahu kita belajar terus sabar dan sentiasa berdoa kepada Dia.

sabar..Allah swt knows what's best for you.

14/09/2019

For you;



365 days since you left,

365 days of rindu,

365 days of patience,

365 days of wishing you were closer,

and a bunch of arguments here & there,

you finally walked through the "Arrival Gate",

wearing denim shirt and black jeans,

with that smile of yours that i love dearly,

i froze almost instantly,

it feels too good to be true,
(it still does, till now)

it felt like a whole load of sadness went away the moment i saw you,

those "bad days" i had with you doesn't seemed like a big deal at all,

and i can't even put into words to describe how relieved i felt,

all that i can say is that i am happy,

all that time spend waiting was worth it,

because you're home,

you're breathing the same air as i am,

living in the same timezone,

experiencing the same "3 season" weather,

you're finally home,

i'm glad that we made it through the first 365 days,

and i'll look forward to spend the next 365 days with you,

i love you so much ❤️

sincerely,
your "selamanya baby" ๐Ÿ˜†



#22 Thoughts

I went to war with myself, for you 
The least you could do was acknowledge the fact that I've fought so hard for us; for you.


Misi Kurus Kuja pt 3


This is definitely delayed sorrrry I've been busy dealing with some stuff but I am here with good progress hehehe.

I'VE DROPPED 7 KG IN 2 MONTHS YASS

Thank god I finally felt like I've managed to put myself on the right track again eventho I went full on sesat for a year. After completely changing workout and eating habits, it totally showed some progress weh I feel like crying whenever I think about it. Also aku rse mse bulan puasa ni pun membantu gak kot sebab aku kurangkn makan and exercise sket2. Despite having to cut Cardio Dancing mse bulan puasa, I am glad those simple 300-400 burn calories workout I set during fasting months worked. I focused more on short HIIT workouts rather than dancing last month. 

Now that aku dh spoil myself for a week because of raya, I am so ready to drop few more kgs until Dee's wedding. Aku x tau lah kenapa time wedding kawan2 aku, semangat aku nak turunkan berat aku jadi lagi mendadak, Ikin wedding 2 years back, I lose over 15kg+ in less than a year. I just want to look good in pictures and in clothes obviously. Also aku ade lgi satu reason but I'll save that to myself because it's embarrassing but it definitely motivates me to keep going.  

Anyway I got less that 3 months to lose more less 10kgs (until I reached my goal weight obviously), hella worried but super excited to start this again. I've made some changes yet again sbb aku jenis cepat bosan bila buat benda sama. Dapat gaji lagi aku nak target running shoes so I can start jogging properly again and maybe..just maybe join fun run ke marathon ke hehe. Don't want to write all that yet sebab plan masih jauh di hadapan. Insyallah next update I'll write more details about the type of workouts and my eating regiments, until then..*tepuk diri sendiri..goodluck! 

Mek & Mok


Aku baru dapat mood nak menulis balik hehe. Also  Happy Eid Mubarak for those who are celebratingg, Maaf Zahir & Batin!

I don't really know when it started but I always knew that I loved cats since I was little. Took me years to convinced my parents that I wanted to have my own, after a while they tewas hehe

My cats are probably not the most manja compared to others. They don't like being held for a long period of time..both of them will start mengelupur to escape.  I like how mischievous they can be, how adorable and crazy they can be at times. They would instantly be in hide and seek mode whenever they heard stranger's footsteps and they would never leave the spot until the coast is clear. Which sometime could troublesome for me because I get worried easily knowing they haven't eat, drink nor poop for hours, so whenever this kind of things occurred I would sneak them to the kitchen so they can do their business๐Ÿ˜‚


As you see in the picture, Mek (yg warna gelap) was not in a good shape when I first got her. Mok was definitely alot healthier compared to her. Owner lama diorg ni dh mcm redha if aku x amek si Mek because she was so sick. Badan penuh dengan kurap,kurus gila, kutu lagi and mmg x active, dia bnyak duk sorang2. Kucing2 lain semua xnak main dgn dia. But somehow I can't just leave her there because if I did, aku takut dia mati sia2 je nanti. She and Mok was the smallest ones there. So I couldn't ditch her, aku mmg nekad nak bgi dia sihat. I can honesly say she was not getting a good treatment based on her condition. Also aku x salahkan owner lama sebab dia mmg bela banyak kucing, cat maintenance is not easy plus expensive when it comes to vet treatments. 

Anyway as soon as I got them, the next day I bought them to the vet. Only to found out that...Aku ingtkn kucing aku ni seekor jantan seekor betina, pergi vet, both betina weh..sabo je lah ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Even the doctor questioned why I would take in si Mek. He was not sure that Mek would survived, yes it was that serious. Alhamdulillah si Mok was in a healthy condition. She just needs some basic meds..as for Mek. Sebulan lebih gak lah aku bertarung bagi ubat kt baby aku yg seekor tu, Compare to Mok, ubat dia jauh lagi banyak hoii. Dah lah bnyak.. lepas tu ubat besar2, boleh lah imagine cmne aku gaduh nak sumbat ubat dlm mulut dia, dengan badan kuruih cmtu ishh. Pretty sure 2-3 months after getting them mmg aku bnyak ulang alik gi vet dengan budak dua ekor tu. Mcm2 hal wktu tu dengan diorg, ade je benda yg tak kena. Thankfully we made through. Previous experience with Simbaq have taught me that they both need to be vaccinated as soon as possible, So aku memang buat tu secepat yang mungkin baru aku rse tenang. 

After 6 months from the 1st picture. Mok got fatter and Mek got healthier alhamdulillah

No one actually expect si Mek would recover, even aku pun awl2 have my doubts. But baby is definitely strong and only mengada (in her way) dgn aku, literally. She follows me everywhere in the house. She doesn't really get close but she just wants me to be in her sight (I found that behavior to be cute af) Worth it lah aku susah sket mse nak tolong sihatkan dia, tgk2 aku ended up ade peneman hehe. Meanwhile si Mok manja dalam diam..bukan dgn aku..dengan ibuu. My mom would tell me stories about Mok urut2 her/bergesel/mintak urut dia lah and she can't even get it on tape because apparently Mok knows when she gets recorded which is annoying because I got jealous, obviously๐Ÿคฆ


Casually sitting on my bed waiting for the lights to be out so she can doze off sampai subuh, Yes, Mek kalau tido, dia jarang sgt bangun pagi2 buta. Dia ikut tido smpai tuan dia bangun hahaha. Si Mok 3am-5am is her hunting time (memang mcm most cats, Mek is different compared to her) I'm just glad she's doing so much better now, melimpah2 bulu dia sebab telan ubat lebat bulu agknya dulu.


Aku pantang tgk Mok cmni mmg aku kacau sebab aku geram, dia kuat mengigit, lantak pi lah dia gigit pun janji aku dapat usap perut dia hahaha. She's definitely living up to her name GeMok. But thankfully she's not obese, just chubby. She doesn't eat anything other than kibbles & tuna treats, mmg cerewet when it comes to food. Aku try bagi makann ayam, ikan rebus/goreng ke ape, dia reject, poyo gila mkcik ni.


It's difficult trying to take these two in a picture because at times whenever they get close, tau nak bertumbuk je. Especially after visiting the vet, I would have to seperate Mek from Mok because fat ass tends to get a bit moody, she hates going to the vet hahaha. Next month is their annual vaccination, wish me luck aduhh



in loving memory of simbaq, up until now I still wish I could have done better as your owner. miss you still..



Misi Kurus Kuja pt 2

This. Is. Not. Going. Well

Gave myself to 2 months. My weight still remains the same. Honestly I am frustrated. Effort aku tak cukup and aku sedar tu. I want to lose weight healthily, tone my body, build muscle and make sure my skin doesn't sag (my biggest concern right now) without taking slimming pills/detox teas. I swear I got intrigued by those advertisments a couple of times now, tapi cekalkan hati aku sbb aku tau benda2 tu tak baik untuk aku for the long run. I do not want to take shortcuts when it comes to my body (melainkan kalau traditional remedy yg tak ada pengunaan chemical then yes mungkin I'll give it a try)

If there's one thing aku actually regret is the fact that last year aku on off dgn workouts aku. Tak sedar diri, dah lah quit gym, lepas tu murung & ended up stress eating (also aku mmg pencinta makann, this has been both my medicine and my pain), Aku gained 8kg literally dlm setahun semua sbb aku x consistent. Again, salah sendiri!

And sbb aku janji by end of May aku nak drop atleast until 65kg, I terrified on whether or not this can actually be done; because I legit have like 12kg to lose. Mmg lah aku xde janji dgn sesape, this deal aku buat solely dgn diri sendiri and aku boleh ubah ayat aku kalau aku nak. Tpi kalau aku cancel this meaning aku x guna lah sbb failed nak discipline kan diri sendiri. So I am not giving up. Aku dh planned out jadual baru again tdi. Tinggal nak bako semangat ni haa bgi berkobar2 sket. 

Currently my lower back dah lengguh2 pulak ni. Sakit sbb kemungkinan posture aku mse aku workout tak brape betul or aku mungkin dh push diri aku a little bit too hard lately ni. Al kisah nya, aku balik kampung last week and sedara + mkcik aku dtg rumah pulak lepas tu. Weh tu semuanya pakar masak sedap2, kalau x makan nnti takut diorg merajuk (typical alasan hahaha) Even kalau mak aku masak kt rumah pun aku susah lah kalau tak tambah. My mom has been busy lately ni and dia dh jarang masak. When she cooks, aku mmg akn failed hahaha sbb aku rindu masakan mak aku.

Anyway hopefully April and May ni akn ada progress. Dapat sikit pun jadilah weh dari tak de langsung but I will keep going. May nnti dh masuk bulan puasa and aku kena ubah lgi jadual aku sbb aku nak focus on more on Ramadhan dari dieting or working out. Insyaallah aku akan balance kan. Aku xleh stop working out selagi aku x smpai target and selagi aku x biasa dgn active lifestyle, kalau aku stop nnti nak start balik tu susah and the yoyo effect akan take over (mcm last year) All the best, Kuja. 

What to Ask Allah - Khutbah by Nouman Ali Khan




Whatever I wrote down here works as a reminder for myself because alot of the things he said hits me (in a good way) like bullets. I needed answers. To gain a deeper understanding, watch the video instead. It is worth it.



Human beings tend to be defensive,

Human beings have good views of themselves,

But they make lots of excuses,

They keep throwing excuses.


If you're going to seek Allah SWT forgiveness,

You have to find the time,

And it doesn't matter if you don't know arabic,

You speak to Allah SWT (in a language that you know and understood),

And you genuinely admit to Him what you've done wrong,

And don't make excuses.


It's really hard to do that,

Because even when you stand in the mirror,

You lied to yourself,

You tell yourself "I'm not that bad",

"I have reasons for what I did",

"I have justification, I've been through alot".


Don't give Him the reasons,

He knows your reasons better that you do,

It's impossible for human being to open up so vulnerable,

Before anyone and especially Allah SWT,

Because to the world, 

You have to show yourself as strong and confident,

Everybody else sees you and think everything is okay,

But the only one who knows that Nothing is Okay,

is Allah SWT.


You need to come to Him openly,

Without any filters,

Without any hesitations,

Without no guard,

With no shame,

Openly (verbally;speak not whispering) admit to Allah SWT, 

How messed up you've been, 

And how you've messed up,

Then you're going to be in the position to ask for forgiveness.

Starting Over (Misi Kurus Kuja pt 1)


Setelah lama aku bercuti dari exercising, on off for about a year, xleh nak focus, hilang motivation mendadak skejap and kemalasan tu memuncak gak unfortunately hahaha. But I am finally starting over my diet and workouts yeayyy. No gym. Just short workouts 3-5 times a week, maintain jadual makan but cutting off air gula and junk food (man i have to try). Should be able to turun 5-15kgs in 2-4bulan Insyaallah. Reason knape I decided not to join the gym? Sbb aku takut nnti aku masuk gym aku lupa daratan (biar aku sorang je faham ni xpe kot haha) and aku boleh adjust masa ikut kesesuaian aku, xyah pakai duit banyak and aku genuinely lagi suka berlari anak kt area rumah aku, cuma the only problem yg aku kena deal is sifat malas. Kalau tu aku lepas then everything will be okay. Just nak biasakan diri tu je yg susah sket mula2 ni. Duk rumah kan, faham2 lah hahaha katil tu sentiasa memanggil untuk tidur huhu. Anyway akan aku updatekan lgi misi aku utk cecah range 60-65kg before end of May Insyaallah.


#21 Thoughts


Aku letih dgn perangai aku cmni weh. sblum everything gets out of hand tolong lah just make all these negative thoughts hilang..aku completely tau aku yg overreacting ni which makes it worst sbb aku apparently xkuat langsung nak control my thoughts. aku tenang skejap then dia mai ketuk pala lgi kuat. xleh ke kuza tolong just for goddamn sake please just calm yourself down, jgn dok menyusahkan org lain you've been doing fine kot all this time. tapi kenapa tiap kali this happens kau jadi gini, every.single.time. now dah what, for 3 straight weeks moody gini. jangan buat org menyampah ngan kau. org lain ade more important stuff to deal with in their life kuza, where the hell is yours. your're overthinking way too far to the future, you know that. stop. live in the present please laaa; one day at a time, ce bertenang!

5 Ways to Win My Heart



  • Be 100% Loyal and Honest with Me 
  • Be Responsible
  • Be Attentive
  • Be Humble because I really can't tolerate cocky guys
  • Be Respectful/Supportive 
I don't go for materials because my mom have taught me well enough having loads of money can't get you anywhere in live if you don't have the right attitude for it. Don't go looking for a guy with money & status; instead look for someone that has a good relation with The Creator (Allah swt)

I know most of men in my country would say those lines are too cliches because "girls say that all the time but always go for the handsome & rich ones"

NOW WHICH KIND OF GIRL ARE YOU ACTUALLY REFERRING TOO? 

You reap what you sow guys. Be careful.
Double Scoop Ice Cream